Returning to the Place it all Began.

I would really like to not be angsty about the Eric/Alece situation, but it isn't quite going to way I want it to...

Came home from school today. Yes, I am no longer a Resident Assistant. But I came home and am sitting in the bed I sat in for many a night and talked to Eric. I don't feel bad... I don't feel sorry for myself. Honestly, I just miss him.

He's one of those boys that if you expect it... then nothing is ever going to happen. Sad day.

In reality, he is a wonderful person... and that's why I miss him soo much. It's easy to not miss the assholes from my past. 

Sent him a text about me putting Adele's Rollin' in the Deep link on my facebook and declared I wasn't going to feel sorry for myself anymore. I'm glad I did it.... didn't want to hurt him or anything, but I don't think he understands to what extent I miss him and wanna be with him--or at least talk to him again. 

It amazes me how willing I was to put effort into that relationship and yet he couldn't handle that kind of relationship. For once I want a boy to fight for me... fight for us. I'm tired of boys pulling me along their hooks and then say... "sorry, but if I were here... then we'd be together." 

I know part of me is just being dumb... he's just a boy. But he was my boy, he was my wonderful, amazing, sweet, tall, sexy/handsome, and funny boy. 

Angst is dumb, and I'm a victim.

Costa Rica will make me forget about him.... I hope... I want to forget about it. All my life, I've been able to detach myself from those types of thoughts. I was the person who didn't NEED to think about everything all the time. But since him, that's all I can think about. It just sucks that I know I'm not going to be the one that makes him happy... but at least he'll be happy. Thats the important part.

Costa Rica... it's coming... and is going to be my amnesia and best case scenario, when I get back... he's there waiting for me... or I happen upon a boy in CR and move there.

Why does it get harder everyday?

Ah man... I feel for it again. Boys, with their charm and amazing hugs. Its not easy for one who falls in love so easily. Now I don't know if I was ever in love with him, but two months after cutting it off in a relationship that never technically started makes it hard to believe that the feelings weren't strong. 

It's time for the hard part... getting over him. Of course you can't just go and replace him with a new boy, already tried that... just ended up getting pissed at a good friend. What's next? Go to Costa Rica in a pissed state of being, waiting for my opportunity to let loose and go wild out of the country? NO! Well maybe a little, but I'm far more likely to let that me go on my 21st. That way I'll be safe and have no qualms with what I did. 

I guess it's just the fact that everyone is upset... well in the very least no one is happy. We're not enjoying the last few weeks on living on campus... instead we're bickering and complaining about each other and the people we know. Maybe after a break... a get away.

I miss him. That's all that matters right now. But I'm pissed at him too. I know he doesn't miss me back. I know that this wasn't as hard for him as it was for me. Sure, he has a lot of regrets, but I also know that he is more readily able to move on. He has no fight... and I don't know why.

A wise man once said that women are like Apples on the tops of trees. They are the best apples there but boy rarely reach for them of fear of falling. This makes the best apples question themselves and wonder what is wrong with them, but all they have to do is wait for the right boy to climb up the tree and reach for the apple meant for them.

I guess I'm still waiting for that brave boy.

Boys are silly

A Dancing Leclair...

Baby Names?

So even though I'm recently single, and I'm 19 years old, I've been thinking of baby names. Now, I know this is kind of ridiculous... but I'm really excited to become a mother someday. Not to mention it's a well known fact that I will look adorable prego. *giggle* I would like to have two girls and a boy. Boy first of course, that way he can bother and protect his little sisters.

I'd never though much of boy names, but for the girls I like Payton, Fae, and Isabella... and no these are not chosen from the Twilight epidemic or the One Tree Hill swing I've been on lately or the fact that I used to play Dnd. Yes, I played Dnd. I love all of those names and I have for quite some time.

I hope to marry someone at least a little athletic... that was our children will have a good chance at being athletic. I was never athletic when I grew up and I've felt badly about not trying sports b/c I was too intimidated. I don't want my children to experience that feeling. Kat says that she'll be attacking my children with soccor from the moment they are born. I'm ok with that, as long as Kat is reasonable with it.. and my children enjoy it. Soccor is a wonderful sport and I would no doubtedly make an awesome soccor mom. lol.

Ok, enough of the lame.. future family talk. My aunt Barb is here for a week or so to attend her High School Class Reunion. Wonderfully enough, she's staying at my house. Now.. to understand my aunt you'd have to have know our family for a very long time. But she lives in Florida now with her boyfriend/fiance/husband??? I'm not sure what Bruce is anymore. But they love each other and that's wonderful. Anyways, while she's up here she gets to take over the guess bedroom... but she doesn't. I mean, all of her clothes are in there, but she's sleeping on our leather couch in the living room. She's soo cute. She loves that couch b/c it's cushiony and big... not to mention she's only 5'1" and so everything is really big to her.

Her daughter, Dani... is probably the closest person to me in my entire family... immediate and extended. I love her soo much. Sadly, she lives outside of Madison now... but from what I hear the house is gorgeous and really big. So I'll have to visit.

Time to work.. well time for my lunch break at work.

Love.love.